SPOTS

(This Guest Post is by SHEILA ROELL, a vital member of the Sea Country Journal Writing Circle.)

WHAT'S YOUR SPOT?

Have you ever wondered about your spot?  Your spot in the world?  Your spot in life?  Your spot in your generation or simply your spot in today’s traffic?  I know I have. How many spots can one person occupy?   Let’s see.   I have a spot in my friendship circles and I have maybe five or six friendship circles.  

Right there are 5 or 6 spots.

Sitting at a traffic light today, I was first at the light.  I wondered who occupied my spot before me. Were they aware of their surroundings?   Did they feel they were first or did they feel “darn, I missed the light and have to stop”.  

I had a spot in class and one day a new person appeared and not having a spot she sat, probably unknowingly, in my spot, my former spot.  So you can lose a spot.  That’s okay – I sat in a new spot and got to know someone else from class.  It was all good.  But then, the new person left abruptly, never to return.  I reclaimed my old spot.  But here’s the thing, if she came back and took my spot again I wouldn’t mind – if only she would stay.  So spots can come and go.

My family spot is big on my list of spots.  As a wife, I am a counterbalance to my husband’s spot.  As a sister I occupy the middle spot.  I am the voice of reason and reassurance to my younger sister and ever so close to my older brother.  My sister-in-law loves and admires me for my world travels.  And has given me the spot of best friend and adopted sister.  

As a stepmother, I’ve gone from a” hands off but I love you too” position to a coveted best friend spot. None of these descriptions fit how I feel about my family spot.  To me I am in the “keep the memories alive spot and that spot wants to hold dear to the old traditions and pull everyone close to me. I am squarely in the “Time is precious – don’t waste it” spot. 

Some like it.  Some don’t.

My career spanned about 43 years and I held many spots.  In the beginning I was the eager, fresh-faced hard worker who didn’t know everything.    In the end I was an accomplished subject matter expert crying for change.  I can’t say I was ever all that comfortable in my work spots.  Instead I was always pushing, striving, and challenging myself and staff to do better, do more, go faster, add value and be first.  Today I am thankful for the opportunities that came my way but frankly I am glad to no longer hold that “meet the deadline or lead the initiative” spot.  I decided to retire and divided my spot between two people.

In church matters, I have a spot.  It’s somewhere in the back where the unaccomplished sit.  I care and I have faith when necessary.  I even pray.  My day hasn’t come yet when I will struggle against the injustices of the world or in my family.  Oh, I know it’s coming, and I will be moving forward towards the front, at some point.  

Right now, I am content to sit in the back.

The other day, I sat in a restaurant, in a foreign land, eating foreign food.  I was all alone.  I wasn’t journaling.  I sat still and tried to soak up the experience.  The people around me spoke Arabic, Hindi or English.  For the most part, I couldn’t understand what was being said.  I could only tell if the person was happy, excited or serious.  Music played but no one seemed to hear it.  The Souk Marketers hawked their wares but were mostly ignored.  Part of the game I guess.  Lots of people were physically present but engrossed in their IPhone or IPads. Apple would be so pleased.  These people missed the foreigner occupying a spot in their midst who had trouble ordering lunch.  

Too bad, it was a good show.

One of my newer spots is in a class for journalers, memoirists and writers.  Wow!  This is an exciting spot.  Full of promise.  I haven’t delivered much yet but am confident I will.  You see I am surrounded by people who were once like me, in my spot – beginners.  They are showing me the way.

I think I have too many spots to count.  Plus I lose a few and gain a few all the time so I am beginning to think that counting them is dumb.  See how my spot shifted from earlier in this writing?  Even when a spot is gone from my life forever, it is still a part of me, of my experience and it was important to me at the time, if only for a moment. It’s in the fabric of who I am.

Now, I look in the mirror and see a variety of spots.  Are they all good?  Do I stand ready to change a few or add a new one? 

You bet I do.   A spot seems to be like an inert mark on the continuum of life but upon a closer look I see the beginnings and ends of all the chapters in my existence. 

Finally, I see your spot in my life and know I am glad you are there.  Thank you for this opportunity to be in this special spot – the spotlight.

 Sheila A. Roell

FIRST OF ALL - LOVE YOURSELF

Loving-kindness focuses on our feelings of goodwill and kindness toward ourselves and others. Research shows that when we concentrate on compassion for ourselves, it has benefits that include feelings of well-being, relief from physical and mental illness, and more optimal living.

Studies show the many benefits of loving-kindness.

In one study, after only seven weeks of loving-kindness meditation, love, contentment, joy, gratitude, and hope increased. These positive emotions increased mindfulness, decreased symptoms of illness, and helped establish life purpose, and this, of course, led to greater overall satisfaction in life.

In another study of patients with low back pain, loving-kindness meditation decreased migraines and chronic pain as well as decreased anger and psychological distress. Still other research has shown a decrease in depression, as well as, negative symptoms in PTSD sufferers and those with schizophrenia disorders.

So why not try it? It costs nothing and takes very little time. After all, the brain is shaped by our activities. Practicing loving-kindness meditation can help activate and strengthen areas of the brain responsible for empathy & emotional intelligence.

Loving-kindness meditation seems to enhance positive interpersonal attitudes as well as emotions, increases compassion and empathy, and decreases our bias towards others and perhaps one of the most important results is that this concentration on self compassion curbs all that self-criticism we deal with constantly. 

Even for those who want nothing to do with meditation, Loving-kindness meditation is simple and quick—15 minutes—and brings results. 

How to do it:

All you have to do is quiet down, sit in a comfortable position, and focus on your intention as you recite aloud or in the mind traditional phrases that center on your own well-being.  You might even do it as you drift off to sleep at night. It's a ritual that can become a beneficial habit.

May I be filled with loving-kindness.

May I be safe from inner and outer dangers.

May I be well in body and mind.

May I be at ease and happy.

How easy is that? This is self-compassion. This is nurturing our inner child. This is parenting ourseles the best way we can: protecting and loving and wishing the best for ourselves.

Practicing this meditation will eventually increase your sense of loving-kindness. Be patient. Be kind. Be gentle. This is worth the effort because it can open you to infinite possibilities as you create your own loving-kindness phrases. Once you've managed to develop a song sense of loving-kindness in regards to yourself, you can extend your compassionate thoughts to others. 

May you be filled with loving-kindness.

May you be safe from inner and outer dangers.

May you be well in body and mind.

May you be at ease and happy.

Let the image and feelings you have for your friend or benefactor support the meditation. Whether the image or feelings are clear or not doesn't matter really matter since these images are in constant change.  Simply continue to plant the seeds of loving wishes, no matter what arises.

Expressing gratitude to our friends and supporters is fairly easy. The difficult part is loving ourselves first. Haven't we heard it said over and over that in order to love others, we must first love ourselves. Loving kindness is a way to do that.

To find out more, read:

Lovingkindness: the Revolutionary Art of Happiness by Sharon Salzburg.

8 QUICK JOURNAL WRITING PROMPTS

FREE-WRITE MINDFULLY

At this moment, I feel . . .

I am happy when I'm . . .

I rely on . . .

What I treasure most is . . .

Nobody knows that I . . .

I'm grateful for . . .

The animal most like me is . . .

The weather most like me is . . .

AFFIRMATIONS

On your life changing journey to creativity, enlightenment, and optimal living, refer to these affirmations frequently. Say them aloud or write them in your journal. 

I am a creative being filled with unlimited potential, a human BE-ing, not a human DO-ing. I intend to be e present in the moment.

I am blessed with a supportive family and wonderful friends; I am not needy or demanding and can BE as I am, a friend who blesses the lives of others.

My anger is washed away by a river of compassion and replaced with love because I am Love.

I forgive those who have harmed me in the past and peacefully detach from them; I forgive myself for mistakes I've made and let regrets go.

I am the architect of my life; I build the foundation of my life and choose its contents.

Happiness is a choice; therefore, I base my happiness on my own accomplishments and the blessings I’ve been given; my happiness is derived from the ways I assist others in their life journeys.

My efforts are fully supported by the Universe; my dreams manifest into reality. I see synchronicity everywhere.

I wake up with strength in my heart, clarity in my mind, and I choose to BE in the moment now.

My ability to conquer challenges is limitless; my potential to succeed is infinite. I am energy, part of the Universal Energy that flows through all dimensions.

I acknowledge my own self-worth, my creative nature, and my loving soul.

I have endless talents, limitless creativity and I utilize them for the betterment of all humanity. I am One and part of the integrated Whole.

Obstacles are moving out of my way; my path is clear as it leads me to a heightened awareness and enlightenment.

I am at peace with all that has happened, all that is happening, and all that will happen; I am in the moment, Being.


Photo by Sherrill A. Erickson, Hawaii