Friday, October 28, 2016

SPOTS

(This Guest Post is by SHEILA ROELL, a vital member of the Sea Country Journal Writing Circle.)


WHAT'S YOUR SPOT?

Have you ever wondered about your spot?  Your spot in the world?  Your spot in life?  Your spot in your generation or simply your spot in today’s traffic?  I know I have. How many spots can one person occupy?   Let’s see.   I have a spot in my friendship circles and I have maybe five or six friendship circles.  

Right there are 5 or 6 spots.


Sitting at a traffic light today, I was first at the light.  I wondered who occupied my spot before me. Were they aware of their surroundings?   Did they feel they were first or did they feel “darn, I missed the light and have to stop”.  


I had a spot in class and one day a new person appeared and not having a spot she sat, probably unknowingly, in my spot, my former spot.  So you can lose a spot.  That’s okay – I sat in a new spot and got to know someone else from class.  It was all good.  But then, the new person left abruptly, never to return.  I reclaimed my old spot.  But here’s the thing, if she came back and took my spot again I wouldn’t mind – if only she would stay.  So spots can come and go.



My family spot is big on my list of spots.  As a wife, I am a counterbalance to my husband’s spot.  As a sister I occupy the middle spot.  I am the voice of reason and reassurance to my younger sister and ever so close to my older brother.  My sister-in-law loves and admires me for my world travels.  And has given me the spot of best friend and adopted sister.  

As a stepmother, I’ve gone from a” hands off but I love you too” position to a coveted best friend spot. None of these descriptions fit how I feel about my family spot.  To me I am in the “keep the memories alive spot and that spot wants to hold dear to the old traditions and pull everyone close to me. I am squarely in the “Time is precious – don’t waste it” spot. 


Some like it.  Some don’t.



My career spanned about 43 years and I held many spots.  In the beginning I was the eager, fresh-faced hard worker who didn’t know everything.    In the end I was an accomplished subject matter expert crying for change.  I can’t say I was ever all that comfortable in my work spots.  Instead I was always pushing, striving, and challenging myself and staff to do better, do more, go faster, add value and be first.  Today I am thankful for the opportunities that came my way but frankly I am glad to no longer hold that “meet the deadline or lead the initiative” spot.  I decided to retire and divided my spot between two people.


In church matters, I have a spot.  It’s somewhere in the back where the unaccomplished sit.  I care and I have faith when necessary.  I even pray.  My day hasn’t come yet when I will struggle against the injustices of the world or in my family.  Oh, I know it’s coming, and I will be moving forward towards the front, at some point.  

Right now, I am content to sit in the back.



The other day, I sat in a restaurant, in a foreign land, eating foreign food.  I was all alone.  I wasn’t journaling.  I sat still and tried to soak up the experience.  The people around me spoke Arabic, Hindi or English.  For the most part, I couldn’t understand what was being said.  I could only tell if the person was happy, excited or serious.  Music played but no one seemed to hear it.  The Souk Marketers hawked their wares but were mostly ignored.  Part of the game I guess.  Lots of people were physically present but engrossed in their IPhone or IPads. Apple would be so pleased.  These people missed the foreigner occupying a spot in their midst who had trouble ordering lunch.  

Too bad, it was a good show.

One of my newer spots is in a class for journalers, memoirists and writers.  Wow!  This is an exciting spot.  Full of promise.  I haven’t delivered much yet but am confident I will.  You see I am surrounded by people who were once like me, in my spot – beginners.  They are showing me the way.


I think I have too many spots to count.  Plus I lose a few and gain a few all the time so I am beginning to think that counting them is dumb.  See how my spot shifted from earlier in this writing?  Even when a spot is gone from my life forever, it is still a part of me, of my experience and it was important to me at the time, if only for a moment. It’s in the fabric of who I am.
Now, I look in the mirror and see a variety of spots.  Are they all good?  Do I stand ready to change a few or add a new one? 

You bet I do.   A spot seems to be like an inert mark on the continuum of life but upon a closer look I see the beginnings and ends of all the chapters in my existence. 

Finally, I see your spot in my life and know I am glad you are there.  Thank you for this opportunity to be in this special spot – the spotlight.



 Sheila A. Roell



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